God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor

Thursday, May 13, 2010

indecisive kills~

It sucks when you can't make up your mind. My mind is seriously having its' worst day ever. Making decision on where should I study really wears my mind out. My mind went frantic for a sec and at the same time those damn tears just filled the end of my eyes. It nearly fell but I held on to it thinking that I shouldn't be crying right now. I am crybaby but no one knows. And now you know.


There're a lot of good reasons, good options and good deals to choose from. It just makes me crazy. The more I think, the more hair I pulled. I might just go bald. I have that nail-biting-hair-pulling-sighing disease right now. I know I shouldn't be complaining but I can't help it. While seeing others had succeeded, I can't help but being insecure. I always think poorly of my ability, my talent to go far in life. Insecurity is my no.1 enemy. In fact, it is everyone's enemy because when you have insecurities, your life is just a black and plain picture. Yes, you can paint or draw on black pictures but the color black will overshadows at any colors. Did I make any sense out of this? 


I felt twice as what my parents felt about sending me far, far away. They're very concern about where I'll be staying, the fees and etc. A cheap place to stay and expensive fees are my major headaches. I'm becoming unstable and easily agitated. Every time my mom tries to talk about it, I just answer in a cold manner. Few days ago, I was asphyxiated while trying to get some sleep. My mind won't stop thinking. Think. Think. Think. My chest felt heavy and I started to cry. Whenever I feel a huge stress, I can hardly breathe. I started to cuss and rant. I sounded schizophrenic, don't I?


Oh My Lord, Jesus please help me. 

3 comments:

Del Glamiva said...

ooooohhh....so this is ur new blog aa?

Del Glamiva said...

I read ur post here dy, aaa...I think what you can do is think what you wana do, what you love and that interests you. You don't think anything else but that, den u can know wat to do dy.

Charline said...

not really new blog. just change the url n customized it. :)

i got a lot goin thru my mind right now. some tells me to take this, n that. it somehow confuses me more. i just wish i can make the decision pronto.