Another unknown path

This thought on 'where will I be in the next ...... years' keeps bugging me these days. Maybe because I'm nearing to end my college life and into working life. Honestly, I'm scared, unsure and unready to set on my feet unto working path. I'm afraid to walk into unknown paths of my life. Not knowing how things will turn out freaks me out sometimes. I'm afraid of not doing my best and making mistakes. Almost in every motivational books will tell you that you shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes and look silly but somehow I do care how silly will I look and can't stop being cautious to not make any single mistakes. 

The side of me that hardly anyone notice or know (or maybe they do know) is I'm quite a timid person. I can be so insecure and apprehensive sometimes. I always think I'm lack of something or I'm not quite good enough. I've been battling with these internal demons for years and they always win.....because I let them to. They're always the reason why I stop trying and just continue being an ignorant bitch. 

Scared to try anything...

Not wanting to leave this comfy comfort zone..

Not wanting to change...

It's not that I detest of try anything or to change. The mental picture I've embedded in my minds are always negative ones. 

I see myself not well adjusting to changes and the things I try suddenly turns ugly. This kind of unhealthy mental pictures affect my decision-making skill and staying true to myself. 

Where will I be in the next 3  - 5 years?  

Will I still be working in hotel pursuing this field?  

Or will I quit and venture into business?  

Will I be happy and satisfied on the progressions I make?  

Will I be proud of myself? 

Will I have a better life? 

Or stuck in this hell hole forever and not changed a bit? 

I shouldn't be worried about the future and feel restricted on enjoying the process. Just let things fall into their designated places that God created. Be grateful on each single thing happen and always practice humility.